resolutions

In 2012, I resolve to be happy. I resolve to be true to myself. I resolve to give my body everything it deserves, and that means getting it into shape and being healthy. I want to change my habits. I want to work out, and enjoy doing that. I want to run. I want to become toned again. I don't want to thin, I just want to be what I should be. Oh, and I want to stop eating shit (stuff that's bad for me... not actual fecal matter). I want to cut down on things that are white such as sugar, flour, and potatoes and increase the amount of fruits and vegetables I eat. Decrease the amount of soda I drink even though it is diet and I will drink more water. I want to stop over eating, or eating just because the food is there!

I resolve to making mistakes, but to not let them bring me down. These eating goals I have described above, do you really think I am going to start off eating perfectly? Of course not, but when I invitably screw up I will not just throw in the towel and give up on any progress I might have made. I have a hard time letting go of mistakes, and I beat myself up over them. Mistakes are a way of life, so when I will undoubtedly make them, I will not carry them around with me. I will not apologize for existing, or for being right. I will apologize when it is required and when it is right, but every other word out of my mouth will not be “I'm sorry.”

I resolve to do more of what makes me happy. On the same note, I resolve to get out more. Sitting in my room and crocheting while watching Netflix is great and all, but should not be an every day activity. Things happened first semester that put me in a funk, and I am determined to pull myself up this year. I can do it.

I resolve to do well in school this semester. I made the Dean's List this last semester, and that felt pretty good. Spring semester, I am taking 18 hours and some of my classes should be pretty hard, but none of my classes are a Math or Spanish. They are all in my major or minors, so I have no excuse not to do well. I will kick their asses. I got this.

I resolve to spend less, save more. Debit cards are way to east to overspend on, so I will take cash out of the bank and just use my card to put gas in my car. I will eat in the cafeteria at school instead of buying fast food or microwave Lean Cuisine. I will learn to love the salad bar, dammit. I will not tempt myself with the desert bar. Until I can calmly pick up one cookie, I will avoid it altogether. Once again, I will not eat shit just because it is available to me. I will save my change for my trip this summer.

I resolve to write. That could be Blogs, poems, or Beth Daily. I want to get the solid first chapter of my novel written. I want to blog, I want my voice to be heard. I think I might have found myself a semi-regular job as a writer (more details on that later).

I resolve to stop feeling bad about myself. This sort of fits in with the not apologizing so much, but I feel like it needs to be reiterated and clarified. I beat myself up. My hair is frizzy, and my clothes don't always fit right. Those things are not totally my fault, or at least they are nothing I can change by getting mad at myself. I'm not 100% sure how to stop doing this, but I am really going to try. Working at Governor’s School this summer really helped me because it reminded me that I am in fact, a nice person. I just need to remember that. Once again, it is not all my fault.

I deserve all of this. I think everyone does. Just remember, you body deserves to be the best it can me. You have to treat it right. My body, it didn't die when it was supposed. It overcame trauma and dare I say it, I am now better than I was before my accident. It doesn't deserve me to feel bad about it, or to not be in good condition. I love brains, mine in particular, and it does not deserve my bad thoughts about myself to rush through it. My body, my brain, myself they all deserve for me to be the best I can be in 2012, because if the world does end, I refuse to have any regrets.

new years resolutions

    Do you make New Year's Resolutions? 

    More importantly, do you keep them?

   Statistically, we don't. John C. Norcross a professor of psychology at the University of Scranton found that  71 percent of participants in his study kept their resolutions for two weeks, 64 percent for a month and 50 percent for three months. 

   So why even bother to make one? 

   To make you feel like you're making a change, or because you really, genuinely believe that it will work this time?

   The other night I was talking with a friend and somehow or other the subject turned to New Years Resolutions. We both new that no one actually keeps their resolution, but you still have to make them, and of course you have to talk about them. That way when you inevitably fail you will be embarrassed and ashamed.

Y'know, like my 40 minute writing challenge, that lasted for exactly one day. Or this blog, which was originally supposed to be a weight loss blog. 

    I'm not sure that's required, or why I am so dead set on making my failures public. Maybe it's because I want there to be legit proof that I tried. Maybe I just cave under pressure? 

    I'm taking psychology in the spring, so I'll let you know what my diagnosis is then 

    

   So basically what I'm asking is this: Do you believe in New Years Resolutions? Do you think I should make on? Am I just talking to myself? 

information borrowed from here: http://www.woai.com/guides/holiday/story/Will-you-keep-New-Years-resolutions-Most-people/VVSIkrlSw0O_b-h4QmaPqQ.cspx

return

Well, I didn't die... I just gained 5+ pounds.
I won't go into details about my (brief) absence, except to say this : There is no shame in quitting.
HOWEVER, there is a great deal of shame in not being able to fit into your favorite jeans.
I really like those jeans. They're a pair of Old Navy Diva's with a hole on the right knee. I bought them with the hole of course.
I got up a 6:45 this morning and walked 3 miles (and ran a few feet). I did really good with the eating until I woke up from my nap and had 2 mini Haagen Dazs containers. I had cake with ice cream at dinner.
As I sit typing this all out I realize that it really isn't that much. It is not the sort of food you eat when you are losing weight.
So I'm not sure if need cheer leading, kind words or ass kicking... probably a little of them all.
Help me?

first weigh in

After a few good days of weight watching and sensible eatting, the scales showed a positive turn downward. I hope to feel good enough to work out next week, so maybe that will speed things along, although as a good friend once said, this is not a race. This is a marathon.
Now, the verdict! Drum roll please...
194
That is roughly 4 pounds. I hope anyone who is also on a weight loss journey can keep their heads held high thorough rough patches, like I had earlier this week. Don't be afraid to ask for cheerleaders!

(Special thanks to all my cheerleaders, particularly Amanda Nordin and Ginger Box Harrison!)

injured

I need cheerleaders
I need someone to tell me that I can do this.
Right now, my leg hurts.  (this is my leg)

and I can't work out. My leg hurts, so eating will make me feel good.

Except, um, no. In the long run it will not.

I haven't really done bad, in a non dieting day it would be good. When you are dieting though, it is bad. So basically, I need cheerleaders. Someone to encourage me to move forward.... any takers?

measurements

Thursdays will normally be my weigh in day, but today I went home and left my scale in my dorm room. Opps!
Instead, I will post my measurements. I will try to up date these once a month.

waist (is around your belly button your waist???)- 42
arm- 13 1/2
thigh- 27

     Writing those down made me cringe a little, but at least now I know what areas of my body I need to target. I had two very good dieting days. For instance, yesterday at lunch, I had a salad! I know, I know this should not be a big deal, but for me it kind of was. Salads don't equal meals in my mind. This time, though it was more than enough. I had some left over and it was not just the lettuce! You see, when ever I eat something I always try to eat my least favorite part first... within reason of course. This way I always eat my vegetables!
     I made a lot of healthy choices today, and it made me feel good to make them. This journey is off to an excellent start!
     

and so it begins again

 So I am beginning a new blog, one that I am desperately going to try to keep up. Hopefully we will have regular updates, and maybe even bilingual ones! In this journal I am going to record my weight loss journey for all the world to see, and I am going to be brutally honest. If you are choosing to read, please let me know!

I want to lose weight. I want to lose weight this year, and I want you to join me on this journey. Why blog, especially when I know I am notorious for starting things I do not finish? First, I want to finish something! In addition to losing weight, I hope to learn some discipline! I would like to establish a work out routine, and manage to keep this blog on a fairly regular schedule.

Second, I think this is the only way I can diet on my on. I have 0 motivation, and by doing this I would be held accountable. I really want to feel like there are people watching me, and people wanting me to succeed. This is where commenting comes in! Leave me a comment and let me know if you think I'm doing well, or if you see me slacking off. You could be my army!

This is my weight loss journey thus far:

I joined Weight Watchers for the first time in the summer of 2010. When I joined, I weighed 215 pounds. I got down to 195 that summer, and manage to lose a little more over the next few months. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving that year I weighed 189. Thanksgiving was something of the end point for me, or rather, the beginning of the end. My weight yoyo'd up and down over the next several months, at most going up to 198 and down to the coveted 189. I experimented with Atkins and I Weight Watched on my own. I also went to college, which I don't know if you know this, but all school sponsored gatherings are totally based around food. More specifically, pizza. I sorta kinda made in through, because I avoided the freshman 15, but I have stalled.

My current weight hovers somewhere around 198. I wear a size 14-16 pant, and normally a large up top. I used to could do 40 situps in a minute, but a tailbone injury put me out of commission.

I like my body, but I also like to not base my life around food. I also hate looking up and realizing I am the heaviest person in the room. Oh, and the guy I am “talking to” (which should totally be a relationship option on facebook) weighs less than me. Let's change that!

I have tried Weight Watchers online, and it really has not worked for me. Not to say that is a flawed program or site, I just think it is better suited toward people who have smart phones (not me!) I need public humiliation. I need fear and embarrassment.

Writing down what I weighed was really hard for me to do. Weighing so much isn't feminine, it is shameful. On this blog, I will post my real and true weight * gulp *. Once a week I will update letting you know my progress. I am going take pictures of myself so you to can see what I see in the mirror. Together, we are going to conquer this battle, and maybe figure out why weight is such a struggle to me. I am going to confront my past, look at the pressures society places on me and hopefully lose some weight in the process! I hope you join me because I need allies!